Real Fitba'.

That boy Robben is a ponce.
If you tackle Big Tam, the Huntly centre forward, he does not scream like a five year-old girl, he does not writhe around with his shiny thighs and hair glinting under the floodlights. No, he wades through you leaving a set of studmarks on your sternum and hammers the ball into the roof of the net while yelling "Get it up youse, ya bass!".
That there, my friends, is real football.