Self pity

After she left I fell on the floor, overcome with grief letting my tears fall unchecked down my face.
I had wanted to apologize, for the blinding rage of jealousy I felt towards her, but instead I said nothing. And stayed behind to cry.

This isn't the first time I have need to apologize, but it will, has to be, the last. I love her and I want her to succeed.
Damn my fucking pride & damn my fucking emotions

But instead of letting my feeling show while they were still brewing, I stopped draining my baskets and let the hot oil burn my skin. Eagerly I welcomed the pain that most people try to avoid. I greeted the pain like it was an old lover recently returned.

I'm so sorry errrrsophia. I'm so jealous, envious and in aw of how practically perfect in almost every single way that you are. Please forgive me?