Let's go play

Mum took the boys and I to chipmunks ( a large indoor padded playground with a cafe and inflatable slides) this afternoon as a treat. I have never seen the older 2 get their jackets and shoes on so fast!

We stayed for about an hour or so. For part of it mum went next door to look at the clothes shop and the boys immediately split up haha tricky. I was with harper watching him crawl around giggling. I could see Marley on the big slide but not Kanye. When mum returned i went to find Kanye, he was putting balls in this chute thing where they go in at the bottom and a surge of air pushes them up and out the top. He was happy.

Marley went up and down the big slide, he was sweating when he came to the table where I was having my second coffee ( i got up at 540 this morning! )

Harper had such a great time chasing balls around and sitting on bikes. They were all exhausted by the time we left.

When we got home, Kanye lay down on the beanbag and watched the wiggles, mar played on the ipad and harper fell asleep in my arms. I fell asleep too on the couch and I don't usually i try to stay awake so I can watch the boys make sure nothing happens but I just couldn't keep my eyes open, i can't have slept for long though, I startled myself awake in a mini panic that it had been a long time i had slept. I think it was about 10-20 minutes!

This was not to be the only moment i felt bad today. This morning having got up early and having done everything by 9 ( thank you yesterday's me for being productive) i was starting to feel a bit tired.

Mum arrived around 10 and by then all i wanted was 5 minutes to myself. I got a bit grumpy with the boys , Kanye was demanding a drink,Marley wanted to talk to me about lego and harper kept trying to climb up me. It wasn't their fault. They just wanted my attention. I just didn't have the energy to give it. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go back to bed.

For a few fleeting moments i didn't want to take care of them i wanted to take care of me. I felt ashamed for feeling this way. They hadn't done anything to deserve what I was feeling. They didn't get why I was grumpy at them. I felt smothered by their constant needs. I just wanted to catch a breath. I felt bad, I felt like an awful mama.

So to turn it around i sat on the floor and let harper climb on me, I discussed lego with mar and Kanye got the big drink he was wanting. I felt i had been selfish in wanting 5 minutes and at the same time not selfish.

I'm glad in the least today despite my own issues i could give them a good day.