How to Mend a Broken Heart

Day Three- and just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, lo and behold they did.....

Definitely the worst day of all. I woke up at 3am this morning, unable to sleep, which is unheard of for me. I felt anxious, and rehashed it all over in my mind. I looked at some things on my phone for a while, and then eventually fell back to sleep. I had to force myself to get up at 7:15am, and didn't even bother with a drink thins morning. I felt panicky, and remembered again what had happened.

But at that point I had a lovely Facebook message from a good friend, reminding me we only had 3 hours of school to get through, and she would help me through it. Despite not wanting to go, I managed to get ready and go to work.

I got a bit upset there with friends, but I was sort of ok. And then once again, like clockwork, guy friend pulled the rug out from under me again. He sent me in his words 'one final text from me'. It was a horrible message, and completely destroyed me all over again. It was intimidating, and trying to frighten me.

I sat in the office and sobbed. My friend came to look after me, and while she soothed me, she also gave me some tough love, and told me I needed to pull myself together.

But I couldn't. They got somebody to take the class, and I managed the assembly even though I cried intermittently throughout. I work in a Catholic school, and the gospel being read, about saying sorry and seeking forgiveness, hit home very hard. But I am fortunate to have some lovely ladies who picked me back up again once more.

As soon as the children had gone, my friend took me for a drink so we could hash it all out. I really does help to have another perspective on things. I had my therapy appointment at 2pm with A, and it was a pretty emotional session, and I cried a lot. I think I needed to. It helps to have someone to listen, and also give some advice. She advised me not to try to get away from the pain, as through pain comes growth.

I felt a little better when I got home, and tried to focus on the positives. It's just so hard, because it feels like he has died, it's all been so sudden, so final.

A good friend of mine took me for a drink in the evening, and it was so good to listen to his advice, and it really did help.

I went home at 11pm, had a nice bath, as I've felt so lost and unable to function these past few days, and not had one since Monday.

I slept in my own bed, and took comfort from reading and writing on blip.

I have to get through this, but it hurts like hell.