Living Room

So, I spent a month not updating Blip. I did this in a passive sense because there was so much going on emotionally I couldn't muster the energy to do it.

One woman built such a deep love inside of me I couldn't function. I have such a deep love for her I couldn't grasp the effort needed to do my day-to-day life journal, or even my job properly, so distracted was I.

She has given me the most beautiful gift a woman / human could give; self-confidence. self-respect, self-worth.

She showed me that now matter what I think of myself, no matter what has happened in my life; I'm kinda worth it. I'm worth fighting for. I'm worth existing. Because I do good, I've done good, I am a good guy, I am a good father, I am a good friend.

I then splattered, unthinkingly, my deepest, stupefied pish, lonely, fuckwitted rubbish, on-line for all to see.

This hurt her. And, ultimately; has ended up hurting me, because; I've ended up alone. Again.

I've done this before. I have hurt the women, and humans in my life because I use Blip as a real, heart-felt journal, whether right or wrong, of my life and my pontifications. Because, although I can articulate reasonably well in real life, I find this form of communication and recording of thoughts and feelings a pretty important way of communication with the people in my current and future lives.

All, I've ever wanted, or intended to do, was give a true picture; a reflection of who I am and how I feel but I realise now that I often leave raw injuries & bare bones too exposed.

I love you, and everything about you. I'm sorry for my part in our opposing magnetism.

Me.