Collection.

It's getting ridiculous. This isn't even all of them, but this is my collection of Vans shoes. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a sneaker.

So it's August. I can't really believe it is August. I haven't done anything.

Last summer was so full of excitement and of loss and of happiness, and even of sadness, that this summer seems almost bland in comparison. I haven't enjoyed this summer.

It's nearly at a close, and the measly weather might as well just let autumn roll in, since it's barely been a summer in the north of England, just singular warm days followed by 6 rainy ones. Not worth pretending it's a summer. I have barely seen my friends, I have been lazy. I will see them at college and I look forward to that a great deal. I can't wait to get back. I miss you all, if you are reading this.

I am going to France on the 6th of September and I absolutely cannot wait. I haven't been since me and Lila went in October 2011, it was great. I miss Lila sometimes actually, she seemed relatively normal in comparison to all of the things that followed. I would kill to have a normal relationship. To be completely happy again, but I won't, and before you try to correct the statement, it's far more complicated than I let on, and I genuinely won't be, for a very long time.

But I noticed it has been a while, and I thought I ought to inform you all that I am still alive.

I just have no motivation, I am much less interested in anything than I used to be. I have no drive, no beautiful subject to photograph and then propel forth unto your eyes, nothing to shape with my love, or play around with.

All will change in due course. I can't wait to get to France, and to lose my mind in everything that I am so in love with. I belong there.

I hope you are all doing well, blipping well, and are exceedingly happy as each day passes.

You know, It hurts that i'm still not happy.