Between a rock and a hard place

Poor Ireland.
For a neutral nation, it didn't fare too well in the Dodgy Drop Down Menu Neighbours raffle...

When I bought my new laptop, in my haste to read through 174 pages of EULAs*, I clicked on the country just before Ireland in the drop down menu for the country of registration.
Yes... Iran...

Then when I installed MS Office, in my haste to look at a little circle circling for hours, I clicked on the country just after Ireland in the drop down menu for the country of registration.
Yes... Israel...

There is a whole team dedicated to me and me only in GCHQ

I am code-named the "guy-who-bought-a-laptop-in-Iran-for-nefarious-use-in-Israel" (they are obviously better at intrusion of privacy than code-naming...)

There is a permanent fleet of tradesmen's vans parked outside the house, those with the spinning ventilation vents on the roof, so that the "cans of paints" can breathe recycled air until the next shift comes to relieve them.

I have no other choice but to go to internet cafes to monitor the balances on my many offshore accounts...


* End User Licence (you don't have a shaggin' choice in the matter but to) Agree(ment)