After-shop

If you can carry bags when all about you
  Are dropping theirs and bumping into you,
If you can use your cards when all men doubt you
  And pay the balance off when it is due;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting
  And in the changing room not cast your eyes
At youngsters trying clothes they’ve picked for dating
  Which do not look too good, aren’t in their size…

If you can rifle offers – choose the newest,
  If you can rummage but not make sales your aim,
If you can manage Debenhams and John Lewis
  And scour those two department stores the same;
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master
  So when your fantasy is out of stock
You do not quail at this unplanned disaster
  But seek another rail, its perfect frock;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
  And try them on at home then take them back
And sigh, and start again at the beginning
  With a sweet smile for friends who give you flack;
If you can fill the unforgiving hour
  With sixty minutes’ worth of bargains sorted,
Yours is the shopping centre and you’re now a
  Proper woman; I’m so proud of you, my daughter!



A coda for Cicada88:

If you wimp out and buy your clothes online
Including even M&S or Next;
If you, deluded, think you’re doing fine,
Then shame on you, disgracing all your sex.