Hospital Part Two

After not sleeping at all and crying all night at Steven and Kelly’s we left the house at 7am. Steven dropped me off at the hospital and went off to work.

I have to admit I was scared stiff doing it by myself but I had no other option. I sat for around an hour before being taken. I got an assessment, lots of questions about my medication, how I am feeling, what are my coping strategies; good and bad, and them telling me what could happen. There were lots of tears and lots of being honest.

I got left in the room(where I stared at this door and face) while they pulled up my records from my GP and to make a plan. One of four things could happen;

1; they refer me back to my GP, as they feel they can’t do anything.
2; they refer me to therapy.
3; I start the Intensive Home Treatment
4; I get admitted.

I sat in the room for another half hour on my own, wanting to run, in tears, scared.
Eventually they came back and said they have decided to start the Intensive Home Treatment; All the benefits of hospital but not in hospital. They said that as my anxiety is quite bad, hospital could escalate this as it’s not a pleasant place. Not like general hospital.

I had to wait another 15mins for a member of the Home Treatment team came. More questions asked, lots more chat . Very draining.

I was sent home with phone numbers to phone if I felt worse and was told to expect a phone call from a support nurse tonight to arrange the start of this treatment tomorrow. Which will involve a psychiatrist coming to the flat tomorrow. As I understand it, possibly for the next two weeks I will have support nurses coming to see me once, twice a day.

Came home on the bus trying really hard to keep it together. The plan was to go and see Mum to tell her what was going on.
Her response was very blasé, not bothered and didn’t have anything to say .She didn’t ask me anything and told me I was silly to over dose. No support what so ever. I left after 15mins feeling even worse and walked home in tears.

Back to an empty flat and it was only 12.30pm. A long afternoon trying to but failing to sleep; Steven reliably informs me that I am over tired!

9.30pm came and went and no phone call. It got to 11pm and I phoned them. The message hadn’t been passed on! Turns out I have to wait until after 10am after their morning meeting then I will get a phone call to tell me when the psychiatrist is coming.
I can’t trust the NHS. They have been s***.

I am so tired of talking and just want to be held now. But there is no one to do that.
It is now 11.20pm and I still can't sleep, I feel the anxiety rising . Lets see how tonight goes.