The Princess Diaries

I was lost; afloat in a sea of pale aqua tricot, sequins, silver threaded gabardine, glitter, and being pummeled by monstrous waves of uncertainty about how to achieve the illusive authenticity I so desire. Then, up ahead, I saw a brilliant light. It was my brain, shining a blindingly bright beam of logical thought to illuminate my path to perfection.

Damned be the whales of doubt and giant squids that will throw tentacles of fear in my way.

I think I'm getting my Disney princesses and classic story plots mixed up.