Man o' War Blockaded in Highland Marina Stake Out!

The Dutch man o' war which sneaked into the Caledonian Canal two days ago, in an attempt to conquer Scotland has been blockaded by small boats in the Muirton Basin Marina. The ship's captain has climbed the mast with a loudhailer, and challenged locals remove him. A party of Sea Scouts in rubber dinghies armed with pea-shooters, made an unsuccessful, though heroic assault on the vessel. Watch this space for further developments.

In other news, I tried to cut the tip of my finger off with a sharp vegetable knife, about an hour ago. The finger and its owner are both doing well. That's two Saturdays in a row I've had a physical misfortune. I think I'll stay in bed next week.