View near Byfleets Lane, Warnham

A view that does not reflect how I was feeling today! I have to apologise for the foregoing as my usual readers will all say "oh he's off about that again!"

It wasn't a good day. Unfortunately, I'm quite worried about money at the moment and the usual other problem is also getting to me. The latter never goes away and is there 24/7. There are times when I really feel I am a useless lump of something that nobody wants, has lived a too sheltered life and is being punished for it. I chose to live the life I do as I have never desired to "run with the crowd". At school it was either be like everyone else or be myself. Given I was never popular at school because I hated sport it was a natural choice to be me. However, this has always been my downfall, and while I am very happy being different and being myself it does nothing whatsoever to attract a mate or a partner. Everything I do and am interested in is dominated by those older than me which I am not happy with or confortable with. Because everybody's married off or partnered off it's hard to find anyone who's of the right age and who doesn't have children from a previous relationship. As I've never ever had a serious relationship before (imagine what that's like at age 48!!) it makes it even worse. Anyone out there who's never been on a date? I bet there are very very very few! There is absolutely no way that I want to take on anyone's second hand children - whether young or older and certainly not because that's the only choice that's left open to me which everyone tells me. Also I may work with children, but I don't want someone else's. I don't rule out my own should I ever get anywhere, but I would be a very ancient father.

Battling with this problem every day and 24/7 isn't easy and because you're surrounded by everyone else's relationships - whether at work, in the street, even on television - everywhere - you can't get away from it. I naturally feel left out and a complete twit. Nobody understands this. It's all my fault and there is no answer. That doesn't help one bit either.

I'm not getting anywhere with internet "dating" at all. Never have. I am trying to find alternative ways of meeting people, including ones that involve a much more flexible and varied age range.

I'm sorry it's a rather miserable write up today. I think it's probably a decent view at least!