And too Turbulent was the Surf

This early afternoon at the seaside it was time to happen: I renounced. I knew it would come. This moment in October where you brace against the fierce Southwestern, feeling the sands blowing in your hair, looking into the strong High Tide Current to the North, where you think:
“Maybe I could give it a try...No, be wise and skip over this time...No, not just a short jump in to feel and hop, out again. You are Old enough now, not to make a drama out of this. For the first time I will not take my sea bath in this turbulent surf here. Just make your Journal photo and that’s it. Let it go without any feeling of self defeat”

Self defeat, that was not so easy to transcend in my younger years. For instance during our mountain tours in the Alpes. On difficult high passages, where Willemien did not want to go further along the precipices, I definitely had to persist and climb further to reach our destination on the top or in the next valley. Simply to give up and return to where we came from, that felt as a defeat, as lack of perseverance. Don’t do that. Show tough love...

Or, like there were those crucial and decisive moments, where you finally acknowleged: I quit this highly respected function - in that world where you once started your conquest of life in that dream-job. But years later, after conflicts and crises, the size is full: “basta la comoedia”, you say. I am free to go my own way. If you were not educated to live in such an authentic way, life will learn you to respect the intrinsic value of such Turning around-moments which generally are socially discredited as “weakness”, retreatism, cowardly flying.

But if you grow in your capacity to learn from and transcend these “disappointing” life-events, you discover the need for such events in order to mature, by transcending all goal-oriented “losses” and renunciations into your fundamental relation towards your personal ground of Being. So what could you have to fear by simply not doing your exercise in the form of jumping into an all too rough surf? Are you kidding?