red bull and wheatgrass

Deadline looms like the end of days... and this delicious combo of red bull and wheatgrass look like a festering sore about to burst. Prophetic really.


I sent out messages asking everyone - nicely - to leave me alone. My family brought me vitamins and were on stand-by for love and support whenever I needed it. I couldn't ask for more help really.

But I couldn't leave myself alone, I put myself into 3 jobs, extra photography projects and volunteered for teaching. I wrote 24,000 words in the wrong direction and tried to double back too late. I sent and received feedback too late for it to be meaningful and I ran on adrenalin and sugar for a warrior week of pressure that left me so exhausted I couldn't tell good from bad work any more. Writing from a distance of weeks and knowing the grade I got, I regret many of these mistakes - but at the time I was thriving a little on the intensity, was able to make important decisions and fully immerse myself in thinking about it. Rather than these manic bursts a more centred habitual way of fostering this is needed. I shouldn't need to wait until just before the deadline to take what I do seriously... In time I find out I scraped enough for my Phd offer but the feedback and the reality check shakes everything up into the air.

part of my need to set a blip journal up is to look more honestly at what I am doing because sometimes I am moving myself too fast to see. Always these issues build with me and then the reckoning comes