The Fall Guy

Or as we call him around here, the Autumn Bloke.

Now, where the f**** is the switch for the shaggin' autumn leaves?
What's this one again? Ah yes, pissing rain. We might as well leave it on for the next 8 months, that will save me a few trips. Autumn leaves, autumn leaves. where is the shaggin' autumn leave switch? What about this one? Ah yes, daylight saving, or dark-at-3-PM as we prefer to call it. Not much shaggin daylight to be saved, if you want my opinion... We might as well set it to the "on" position now, that will save me another trip. The days are getting so short already, they will hardly notice the difference. Autumn leaves, autumn leaves. where is the shaggin' autumn leave switch? Wow! What was that?! Lemme take a closer look, can't see f**** all with the shaggin' daylight saving switch on. Ah, got it! Blowy-as-f**** switch. In the Met Office they call it Gale Force Wind. I'll set this one to automatic intermittent mode: "on" for 2 days, "off" for 5, repeat in a loop.
Finally! Found it! The Autumn Leaves switch. Now folks, take a good look at these arrogant green leaves over there. Their days are numbered. 3... 2... 1... Swiiiiiitch... ON!