Vicarious usefulness

Am lacking in energy today. Two reasons, I think. Disturbed night with J having nightmares and me being totally ineffectual in helping him get back to sleep. He did eventually but far too late for decent sleep to be had. Discussed it this morning when we were both a little more with it and, with some wise advice from our nanny, have concocted a plan which may, or may not, help. Only time will tell.

Other reason is that the pause button is pressed on my new project. All for good reasons and if I can possibly manage to be patient with the delay may turn out to make it better and shinier in the end. Unfortunately I am not known for my patience. The net result is that I seem to be paralysed and unable to properly get my head into anything. There are loads of things I 'could' be doing and even some that I probably 'should' be doing but in reality there are far more things that I am simply not doing. I find it hard to motivate myself in a vacuum.

Instead I am using this period of inactivity to nurture my friendships. Wandered down to the river on this gorgeous morning to meet a friend for coffee. Assumed I would get some great photos and would be spoilt for choice blipwise. Not the case. I'd hate to sound ungrateful by moaning about the 'wrong kind of sun' so I won't. And in reality it was more down to my ineptitude that most of the photos were way too bright or looked like they'd had a soft focus applied to them. This is the best of the bunch and its a nice reminder that my day of indulgent unproductivity will have pretty much no impact on the world going about its business.

This afternoon another friend came around for a cuppa and gave me a welcome distraction from thinking about all those things that I 'could' or 'should' be doing.

Rehearsals again tonight which will help me feel that something has been achieved from today. Though not sure there's a rule that says something has to be achieved every day.

Anyway, am now feeling a little indulgently moany when, as you've no doubt surmised for yourselves, there is nothing to be moany about. So I'll stop.

Bah humbug to sleeplessness!
Lesley x