Do Overs

"Why on earth is Mike Duffy from CNN sending me a friend request?" My first thought when I opened Facebook this morning. "Just more spam", there's always a new angle for people to try to solicit business, or rip people off. Every day something new.

But then the phone rang. Kindly, a cousin calling from up north, encouraging me to sit down before telling me news that no one should first see in the media. Then, a personal message on FB, Mike Duffy again, asking me to call. They're looking for information about the family of London McCabe. Beautiful, full of adorableness, London. But the news is surreal, like it's just another bit of news that will all work out in the long run, it can't be as bad as it sounds, right? Then the search on line, just to see for yourself, and there it is, what you think only happens to other families, not yours. How do they do that so fast? How do they get the news out so fast? Nothing is sinking in, but everything is sinking in. When are the do-overs? Tell me this never happened.

I pick up London's aunt, and we start driving. We don't exactly know what we're going to do, but we're going to do it anyway. There are only a handful of people on the whole planet who can just show up at this families home today, and we're two of them, so we drive. We drive, we talk, we pray, we sing. We drive. First to the bridge, and we stand and we hold each other, and we place flowers along with the many balloons and teddy bears that are already attached to the bridge. We try to grasp, together, the little life that was here less than 24 hours earlier, then he was not. It can't be done, you can not imagine that this took place, not here, over these calm waters. When are the do-overs????

Then we drive again. And we just show up, heart in hand, we show up. We drive into the driveway, see other cars, many cars, and we silently begin to hug. One, then another, and another. There are no words, and none needed. Just holding each other. Just knowing. Just holding, because we would all give what we could, but none could give what was lost. There are no do-overs.

And there is the searching of minds and hearts. Does anyone know what any of us should do or say right now? Is staring OK? Crying? Talking? Waiting? Why yes it is...and it is, and it is. And none of them are OK. It's all ok, and nothing's OK...at the same time. There's nothing OK at all with this picture. Nothing.

Nothing, except that London is an innocent little one. And God's mercy is amazing, and His grace sufficient. And somehow, I know that he was ushered seamlessly into the arms of a good and loving God who saw. The God who knew and understood. Who aches when we ache, and laughs with us and is patient to the Nth degree. Who sends angels to calm the fears of little ones and carry them safely to eternity.

If do-overs were allowed,I'd do this one over. But tomorrow will come, and I will want to do it over too, and the next, and the next day too. Because tomorrow, I will awaken, and London will still be gone, and I will still want a do-over. We all will. We will all want to believe it didn't really happen. Then we will know. It did happen, and there are no do-overs now.

"Galations 6:2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (from the Bible)

So we pray...and we ask for prayer. And we accept what is. But we still want do-overs. We really do.