Autumn Time of our Life

Time to pick up the threads again. Without daily urges to get things done. There are a lot of leaves to broom. I like to wish that strong wind flares will do that job for me. We will see. There is still a gutter to clean, others to check again. We’ll see when. There is a lot more waiting. But you know what? I’m going to continue my reading of the Hiob Story. I’m going to reflect on how to deal with suffering. I wrote earlier about that essential theme of “pathei mathos” - learning through suffering. As I see now it has been on 29th of October. Long, long ago already…

Indeed, it has been years ago - about seven or eight years - I was visiting my mother in hospital after operation. I remember having seen some text on Hiob in a corner of the windowsill. “Are you reading on Hiob?”, I asked. “No,” she answered grimly. “But why then is it laying there?”, I went on. “Oh, some hospital pastor has brought it..” Though she was complaining about her pains, she refused to read or reflect on Hiob. She would not even allow me to read it aloud for her. By that time in my heart I was blaming her stubborness.

But during these long long years in which Death came to reconcile our deep dissent, I have finally learned that it is easy to blame someone else for not being sincere. And quite a different matter to deepen your own understanding in these matters. Now I can no longer escape the questions of my own conscience on my own sincerity. Since this alarming insight wakes me up early each morning, I know what is waiting me. Each morning awaking in the darkness now I know immediately of this “duty of the day”. No exception, no vacation from this Calling.

This afternoon we were happy to make a walk together and see the sheep in the river meadow near Herstelle. The day remained covered in grey. But here and there the yellow, orange and sienna leaves lighted up among the naked trees. It was so good to have our time together and look around and try out photo’s just as we like. A very relaxed afternoon, far away from any serious duty or calling. A kind of quiet playing around enjoying together the Autumn Time of our Life.