Dried

My style of time management usually serves me well. I aim at compartmentalizing my activities and doing one thing at a time with maximum possible involvement. And though it's not always possible, I try to find something interesting in everything I do. The emphasis is more about filling up the time than worrying about the goal and doing little as a consequence. This demands a still mind, which mine mostly can be. But this last week has been a bit of an exception. I have been a bit shaky, a bit jittery. Gumption, yes that is the word, has been missing. I haven't been able to separate one thing from another, and everything has flowed into one another. Leaving a bitter aftertaste.

While I was trying to shoot these useless dried chillies in the morning with no success whatsoever, S asked, perhaps rhetorically if these depicted my day's mood. Back then, it didn't. In fact, after reading about some of my favourite subjects for more than an hour since dawn, the mood is naturally good. And hot, desiccated chillies have nothing to do with it. But it's evening now as I type this, and perhaps it does.

I walked the couple of kilometers back home from office today. It was about 8 PM. The body wasn't tired. I could have walked a long distance today and I walked briskly. After playing for a while, the wind felt good on a T-shirt wet with perspiration. The weather was comfortable, quite unlike midday. Bare branches rising between me and the street lamps cast webbed shadows but only my eyes registered. Beyond that was a barrier beauty failed to penetrate. The barrier is an uncooked mix of a variety of thought, incomplete thought, thought stopped on its tracks. The barrier manifests escape, which though linked with the change isn't a direct consequence of it. It is one of those little things we "fail" to notice, but whose uncanny significance derides us later. Any escape is only temporary. Like Don Mclean says about roads,

"...And I believe I'll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned."

Ironical as it may sound, all this is a big reason for me to choose the change.