Even the trees are watching me no wonder I am paranoid.
I am having I miss my mom a million times today.
We had someone come in and talk about MS. She reminded me of my mom. I wanted a mom at that exact moment. And I have been cranky ever since. It's funny how you can go weeks and months and it doesn't hurt your heart then suddenly tears flow and you can't even explain rationally why.
Time seems so relative. When she first died I was so devestated but that healed and then I had a scab that got me through... and although I have this scar on my heart I don't feel it as much anymore. I can talk about her and not be angry or sad just happy that i had this awesome lady in my life for as long as I did.
But today... today I was envious of the lady of the mom with MS. I wanted my mom back. Sick, silly and full of spunk just like that lady was.
I wish I could call my dad and tell him this. Instead... it's here. It's out of my head so that I feel better but Dad is never ready to hear about Mom because the scar on his heart has never healed. It's still fresh and it hurts all the time. Grief is a brutal thing to go through because no one person deals the same way.
Blah.
And that's that.
PS... the tree really had eyes.