Tory public spending cuts

Less than 24-hours after assuming power, David Cameron has drafted and implemented his first public spending cut. The PM pointed out that the government spends millions of pounds each year purchasing squad cars for the police, not to mention the cost of maintaining the fleet and the day-to-day running costs, such as petrol, diesel and road tax. As such, Mr Cameron has proposed that officers simply bring their own car to work. The move (which is set to slash millions from the public spending budget over the next few years) has drawn heavy criticism from police officers, however Mr Cameron offered the following justification - "It's silly for those officers to drive to work and then use another vehicle for the rest of the day. Think how much money we'll save by requiring that officers supply their own cars! Plus, if they're anything like me, they've probably got a handful of cars anyway." The new policy requires that police officers are issued with a small piece of cardboard with the word "Police" written on it, so as to clearly demarcate the police vehicles from the rest of the population. In emergencies, officers are now instructed to roll down the window, pop their heads out and shout "nee-naw-nee-naw, woo-woo" whilst simultaneously beeping the horn.

Here's to the next 4 years, eh?!