Up in the clouds

I took a few pictures of the clouds outside the window of the plane, then I took this one of my keyboard as I tried to write this blip. I think I prefer the starkness of it.

I'm off for another week in Spain.

Weather forecast there is perfect, but how important is the weather really? When I lived in San Francisco I dreamed of moving somewhere warmer "where I never needed to carry a jacket for warmth". But instead I moved to Sweden. After my wife passed I didn't really think about the weather, but I do realize that the winters are harder without her. They remind me that I am a stranger here, poorly equipped to handle the darkness, despite having 9 coats.

So I guess that the weather is important to me. I like to wake up and have a tea outside. I love to listen to the birds making a racket. To smell the land, and yes, to feel the warmth.

Why am I writing this? I guess I am at a cross-roads. Summer vacation is here and so is the time to plan what to do for the next year. I have a very old friend who is disappointed in me, and I have Nina's break-up sitting inside me asking lots of questions (like, if the person who you love leaves you, is it worse if they left for another or if they have passed. Is this an opportunity for excitement, for something different).

I think that I realized today that I am ready to go live in the South African sun for a few years. I have a few challenges of course. Like how to get a visa to live there for more than a few months. How to earn an income (I haven't earned a salary for a few years now), how to work with the start-ups I am part of in Sweden and Spain..

The big thing for me is that I am thinking of what "I" want to do, rather than what is good for the family (which is what I mostly have been doing). I know that I am ready for a change. Once I get over this selfish feeling, I think I will feel a lot better.

Anyway, as I said, I took some images of the clouds, as my head was in them. But I feel pretty good about life right now, writing this.