I am not the Prime Minister

But Julia Gillard is after a day of political machinations in Australia's Capital City, Canberra. There was no other news here today, except for a brief mention that the Socceroos (the Australia National Football/Soccer Team) in spite of defeating Serbia 2-1, failed to qualify for the final 16. Not helped by the 4 zip score line at the hands of those Germans in the first game and a tepid draw with the Ghanaians in the second match.

It has taken near 110 years since the Australian States federated to become the Commonwealth of Australia for us to have a female Prime Minister. The political coup that saw the demise the previous Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, elected in 2007, was extraordinary and in the finest of Machiavellian traditions, I would offer. Irrespective of your political creed, it is certainly an absorbing development in the Australian political ethos that such a dramatic upheaval can occur peacefully, thankfully.

But, politics is not my beat, coffee and vanilla slices - these are MY beat! Though, I note the new Prime Minister is the Member of Parliament for the Seat of Lalor which covers the suburb of Altona. Yes, THAT suburb upon which I write about probably to excess!

It's a jungle in there, a place of concrete and bitumen siege crinkled by traffic lights and despondent Commuters, wrapped up against June, heading toward their dreary jobs in order to pay off their dreary suburban mortgages. It's the land of Parking Inspectors, appropriately dressed in drab grey uniforms (the grey ghosts). Of stuffed Trams that ire single passenger Cars as they compete for space. Of sounds unholy, unpoetic and unapologetic with pointlessness. I was a Commuter once, the waste land years (with an apology to T.S. Eliot) and did this day into mindless day. I am referring to the centre of Melbourne and its rabid fringes. I was Taxi Driver for my elderly Parent who had to go into Hospital for a minor operation on her upper jaw. I detest driving, considering it a waste of effort, though in some respects an evil necessity and I am aghast about being anywhere near Melbourne City. But maternal needs are well met by me and happily so.

However, to undertake this parlay, it was a 4:30am rise. A fantastic time to be up and about as the folks of my climes are still mostly being tucked in their warm beds, oblivious of the day ahead. Reluctantly, the maternal Car was prepared, (radiator checked, fuel checked, oil checked, the checked checked) as I was against on absurd principal to pay a Queen's ransom for a Taxi, though as I later found out I had neither factored the cost of parking the bloody Car, making the Taxi trip a viable prospect, but I digress, again. Parent was duly collected and it was into the wild bitumen and concrete of suburban road travel I steered the oil company subsidy machine. I allowed for an hour to complete the 15 kilometre trip, expecting all manner of traffic dishonesty on the way. But I had a plan, as the Monty Python Gang would say in high pitched intones, "I have a plan, a very cunning plan!" Mine was to avoid the main thoroughfares and use my near lost knowledge of the backstreets of inner suburban Melbourne derived from more youthful days when such places were haunts of dubious endeavours. My cunning plan was not too cunning in execution as I had not allowed for the encroach of the 21st Century and found, as we drove, much of the streets once familiar, much changed - yes it was a long time ago I ventured in such parts. I took all of the hour and more before we arrived at the Hospital and late. In a delightfully subtle put down, my Parent remarked, "Son, that was a creative journey", probably not helped by my resistance to consult a Street Directory for fear of wounding my rather inane pride.

Whilst said Parent was prepped, anesthetised and operated on, I decided, warily, to walk amongst the clutter of suburbia near the Hospital. As I ventured forth scoffing at this insanity about me I came across a row of rather well ordered, dark blue of colour, exotic looking and labelled bicycles and mused, 'What do we have here'. It is as I discovered: The Melbourne Bike Scheme - designed for short trips in and around the Melbourne CBD in order to reduce inner City congestion and promote a healthier lifestyle. The scheme has been introduced under the auspices of the City of Melbourne (Council), the Victoria State Government, a local motoring organisation (RACV) and a private US Company (Alta).

According to its website, the scheme costs $5 million (Australian) with an initial 100 bikes provided based at 10 hire stations located throughout the City. It is planned to have up to 600 bikes available at 50 stations. You can use the bikes as either as a pre-paid annual subscriber or on a pay as you use weekly/daily basis. The first 30 minutes (apart from your subscription) are free and the cost escalates, quite substantially, per hour after that. The idea being to encourage short trips around the City but not for the bikes to be used a longer basis so as not to interfere (if you like) with established Bike Hire Companies catering mainly for City tourists as opposed to inner City short trip commuters.

It'll be interesting to see how the Scheme works and whether it will be taken up by Melbournians but certainly worth a go. Though I have one question: Are these bikes better than my old 3 geared, footbraked, clunky, heavy, rustic and 40 year-old bike that still has the original tyres (albeit punctured and repaired so many times that Acupuncturists Society of Australasia consider the tyre tubes a 'national treasure')?

Needless to say, I was pleased when the day was over and I was once again rid of the City dregs and no longer driving. And the operation went well too, fortunately.