An amazing insight - the power of forgiveness

I had this amazing insight today. Thinking about "rising above", telling some friends of it, talking about it what it really means.

I have been so occupied the last few days (weeks?) in circulating all the horrible things that Timo has been doing to me. Seeing a complete stranger has been very shocking but at the end of the day it has made it easier for me to move on and forward.

When I think of the man that I once met, married and lived with over fourteen years, is what I want to remember. He was a kind, straight-backed, intelligent and fun guy. I have always wanted the best for him. That has been very natural because I have loved and respected him. I have shared an amazing journey with Timo.

When I think of that man I don't want anything bad for him. I want him to be happy and find the life he's searching for. When I realized this I felt a blunt pain in my chest. I felt compassion for him.

I felt the pain of love. And I don't mind that kind of pain. I rose above it.

That was such a sudden revelation for me. Now I KNOW why feeding the bad animal is so easy. You don't feel the pain of compassion. In the long run it is the worst thing for you. I can see it clearly now.

Rising above the pain makes me free. That is what the power of forgiveness does.

I don't claim that now I have solved all my problems and that there won't be any hard moments to come. But I feel very grateful that I had this little glimpse of this profound and pure feeling.

The power of forgiveness

I have signed the papers today for renting the new apartment. Next week there will be a lot going on. On tuesday to the appointment with my lawyer, Wednesday I will hopefully have a chance to meet Catherine and her boys in Helsinki. Thursday I will go and buy some paint for the apartment. Friday is painting day. And so is Saturday. I don't know when I will have time to pack. Moving out and in on the 23rd of July.

P.S. I just asked Timo to help me to fold a washed and dried bed sheet (we always used to do that together). When I had folded it I said to him that I have to call him and ask him to come over and help me with that when I have moved. I looked at me as a question mark and when I smiled he asked astonished: "What has happened, where is that sense of humor coming from?". I answered him: " it (my sense of humor) has always been there.