Hovering Sombrero

What a day! I've made over 200 posts to this blog this year, and I'm pretty determined to make it 365. But this is a photo blog that's been mostly about the photo and not so much about the blog. Maybe I'm not that demonstrative about what's going on in my life or in my head, or maybe I just think it's not that interesting to passing readers. Perhaps I think these things are best kept private, or, maybe, most days, I've just had a run of the mill day with not a lot to write about, and just tried to take a nice, representative or interesting picture.

But there is a lot going on. I'm not, and never will be, a pessimist. Nor am I paranoid (yes, there's an old joke in there about just knowing they are all out to get me). If ever I had tendencies to be either, today was the day to really put me to the test. I can't hide from the fact that I am a separated man going through a divorce and a house sale, and the difficult conversations and arrangements that entails. Today I have had a diatribe from my wife who has no interest in compromise, only in taking me for everything she can get, yet who refuses to talk to me and directs all conversation through my father in law. He in turn is criticising and patronising my every move. My solicitor is trying his hardest to complete the house sale but just rolling over to pander to the buyers and agreeing to extra charges and delays. The vendors' solicitors are using every trick to be devious and delaying and I am constantly told to accept that it is a buyers' market. All this during a long and late day at work during which at least three departments are taking liberties on my time. It just seems to be a day to take every criticism and beating life throws at you, and smile.

And this, readers, is my outlet, which I'm sorry to burden you with. Pessimistic and paranoid I may never be. But one thing I am is naive. I thought it would be easier than this. The most important person to me now is miles away and needs my support more than ever, and yet I am dealing with more prosaic things in life, albeit emotionally (and financially) difficult right now. You know who you are, and, for what seems like the millionth time today, thank you, Claire, for your support and being there, albeit not geographically but in every other possible way, when you are having such a difficult time yourself.

So on to the photo. This evening was a well timed night out with the team from work. Quesadillas, fajitas, and the company in general were all good and all just what I needed. I even looked around and spotted the photo opportunities - the gaudy Mexican and Texan decor, right down to the "El Passo" sign (sic) on the wall, and the jauntily perched sombreros on a randomly placed cart wheel. The shot was framed and the "Hovering Sombrero" heading written in my mind (those who've realised the link in my recent titles will know that was an opportunity too good to miss)

But I don't associate this blog with real life somehow. What is an interesting escape for me would have seemed just odd to the fourteen others I was eating with, and I just couldn't bring myself to bring out my phone and start taking seemingly random shots of tasteless decor and specifically Mexican hats. I don't want to explain this to them - those that know me well enough will know about my blogs and what is going on in my life. But those I was eating with tonight, well none of them do as far as I know, and it's probably quite nice to keep it that way on a night like tonight while I tried to escape from the difficulties of today.

That said, at 9:30, as the conversation moved into groups that excluded me, ironically talking about relationships and house moving, I made my excuses and left. My journey home was over an hour, as the rest continued with their evening, some lucky enough to walk home. I didn't have my jaunty or interesting photo, so here's an apologetic photo of the restaurant from the outside in the rain while the others stayed in having fun.

Kind of appropriate that I drove home in the driving rain. If it were a film they would have finished the day in driving rain on a day like this. With just my iPod for company playing random songs, it picked one of over 5000 at random as I pulled into my home street. The song was "Hovering Sombrero". Maybe I'll remember this day by that song - a jaunty song full of optimism and silliness, and use it to remember that things shouldn't get to me - there's optimism and a great future round the corner and all days won't be as horrid as this. Well that's what I thought till I checked my e-mail ...