Bloody Rog an` his bloody moaning!

The problem with having a twin brother -- actually there are plenty of problems with having a twin brother, not just one -- is that he`s also retired. Unlike yours truly who is desperate to cram as much into every last day as possible, miserable Rog -- my alter-ego -- just wants to sit around moaning about every damn thing under the sun.

Bee in the bonnet today? Pensions again! How come the bloody government only coughs up a hundred quid a week for poor old hard-up almost skint nearly starving Rog, when they pay out ten times that just to keep ne`r-do-wells thiefs vagabonds highwaymen and downright scoundrels in prison for a week? And they get good food heating free healthcare bloody conjugal bloody visits blah blah blah... "Can`t remember when I last had a bloody conjugal bloody visit," he whines into his empty mug. (Sometimes I wish HIS mug was empty...)

There`s no reasoning with the silly old bugger. "Look on the bright side..." I say.

"An` there`s another thing!" he interjects. "Electricty. Bloody cost of that! Should be free for us pensioners. We fought in two world wars!"

"No we bleedin` didn`t!"

"Well -- all right ours dads did."

"No they bleedin` didn`t!" I`ll nut him one in a minute. "Dad `fought` in the Quatermaster`s Stores in Aden, dispensing the rum ration -- and siphoning off half of it."

Rog shakes his shaggy bonce. "I can`t even afford a bloody rum..."

"Oh, shut up! Go boil yer head..."

"Can`t afford the electricity..."