Looking back at the photographs

In April 2004, I turned 40 and hit a crisis in my life.

I was ill, and had been for some months. My insides were ripping me apart, and months on end I had been tolerating so much pain I could hardly think. I was also in a job which was slowly and steadily crushing my self-confidence and reducing me to a juddering wreck. I couldn't think straight. I was working through the nights to achieve what they expected of me. I didn't sleep. It was a waking nightmare.

For my birthday, my mum sent my and my beloved to Paris for the weekend. We left on the Thursday, and walked, ate, and drank in everything Paris had to offer us for three days.

On Friday night, we had tickets for the Moulin Rouge. We were very excited. We had seats three feet from the stage. - There were also two more people sitting between us and there, it was possible to become very close friends with the strangers beside you. It was everything you imagine. Noisy, breast filled, sweat filled, expensive. But great.

We left that night, and sat in a little wine bar across the road, and watched the people milling down the road. We wandered down the Red Light district and laughed as we were invited in to "sample" the wares!

When we got back to our little hotel, we took a bottle of wine, and found our way up to the roof. It was just a cement roof, no bar terrace, or roof-top pool, but we stood there, glasses in hand and toasted ourselves.

The view was astounding. The sky was midnight blue, stars twinkled, the light from the Eiffle Tower was searching out all the land marks for us. The Sacre Couer was on the hill behind us. There was French music drifting up from the streets below. It was like standing in heaven.

As I stood there in my husband's arms, looking out over this beautiful city, I felt that right there and then, life was perfect.

I knew then that if life could be so perfect in that one moment, it would be perfect again everywhere else.

When we got home, I faced life with the knowledge that something had to be done. I handed in my notice, got ready for my hysterectomy and started to look forward to living again.