The Day After Tomorrow

It was a bright, cold day and the clocks were striking thirteen. I was making my way down to the Airstrip One North-West Centre Of Food Distribution (formerly known as Sainsburys) to get myself a Victory Pie, and maybe a bottle of Victory Ale to wash it down, when I saw this thoroughly reassuring message from our Glorious Leader. I stopped to take a photograph - only one, mind; those CCTV cameras that were placed by the bus station for my protection whirred round to face me as soon as I took my camera out - and I thought that the picture would make a good entry for the Oceania Information Ministry's Repository Of Citizen Observances (formerly known as Blipfoto).

To tell the truth - which in NewSpeak is known as "Cameronation" - Big Brother's come a long way since the days when he was acting as a landlord for the mentally deficient and terminally attention-seeking. If he hadn't become the coolest icon in our culture, I honestly don't know whether he'd have brought around all these brilliant changes in society that have made us completely and totally free. You only have to look at this decade's three biggest selling books: "Reasons I Love Big Brother"; "More Reasons I Love Big Brother"; and "Harry Potter and the Inspirational Meeting With Big Brother", to see how profound his influence is. The bloke who made voyeurism fashionable.

Anyway, I'm off to be a productive citizen. I'll be back tomorrow. As long as no-one works out I'm keeping a diary...