Englishtown Beach

Once again it took me too long to realise i needed space....lots of space, with absolutely no one close by me that could request my attention.....again, i ask myself, why does it take me so long to recognise this state of being.....but truth be told, i do catch it in time so i don't become a complete and utter pain in the ass.....so that's good i think!!

Processing all that has happened over the past few weeks is kinda surreal i guess, all the words we assign to 'grief' - are just that...words....and then there is the reality...and it's so confusing! such layers of emotions, and thoughts, small tinges of 'if only', but thankfully not too many .... and just a strange and overwhelming feeling of how fleeting this life is...and how we have no idea when it will end! I feel like i do a really job in my life of paying attention to the 'here and now' and try to be present with what is happening in my life....and the life of my loved ones....but when we are presented with the finality of the death of a parent.....all those ideas and words leave me feeling a bit bewildered. I know this is part of this 'process' and i accept that....and i understand the need to move thro all the different stages of grief....but it still leaves me with a very confused and somewhat indescribable feeling. I'm actually doing fine with all of this ...... and yet there is an unfathomable aspect to it all !

So, after spending sometime in the studio doing what was needed, i took myself off for a few hours.....yeah....lunch in town, and then off to the beach at Englishtown. I absolutely love that stretch of beach...and walked for quite a ways before i sat down, on the pebbles (which are actually way more comfortable that you can imagine!) the sun was shining, the view was spectacular and best of all.....i was totally alone! Except for the common terns (please note Lynne of Moments fame! that i am actually identifying a species of bird)....it was so cool to sit there watching as they flew around at very high speeds, and then plunged, in a vertical drop...into the water, catching whatever it is they were after. and the noise they made...this high pitched Kit Kit Kit....was really wonderful. An hour later, relaxed and rejuvenated.....and a bit more self-centred as they say....i drove home and now we're ready to eat dinner.

Life moves thro us in such a mysterious manner, and for once i really get it....not just the words....but the true sense of this mystery!

and here's an interesting synchronicity....my image from this day last year was also taken on the same beach as today's image...pretty wild and wonderful i think!