oh my god this hurts like hell

luv, this entry is totally about you.

i almost cried last night. for the first time in a long time. i couldn't sleep so i took some pictures down off my photo collage next to my bed.

i feel betrayed and i know i am selfish for feeling that way. i am tired of fighting for a lost cause. romance is dead and i was a fool for ever thinking otherwise. all i wanted was connection in an isolating age. i thought i had found a connection someone who was on the same wavelength... i was hoping it could be something more. but i was wrong. i liked to believe i was never truly alone when in reality that's exactly what i was.

it was only 20 days until i returned... i was looking forward to returning to the states, seeing what happened. now i would do just about anything to delay it.

"never tell anybody anything. if you do you'll only end up missing everyone"

the picture is from when i had my hair cut today. it's time i start making some changes. next comes severing some ties.

start getting used to the idea of thinking of me as a memory.