Reflection

Sitting watching Funny Lady tonight with Vanessa who is now curled up sound asleep. She came down for the weekend and we've been enjoying some good time together as well as some good training time. She is training for another tri and Iwas able to help with some silly swimming and cycling stuff. We were drinking wine with a wonderful asian lettuce wrap I whipped up and I saw this reflection and absolutely loved it.


So much training, my muscles hurt form it all. Ran thursday and friday, cycled yesterday, swam 400 meters today then cycled six miles. Geez its been so good for me. Van and I have talked alot this weekend about being known. How I miss that with you, I miss being known so well ,my heart not questioned. We had a beer at Ceols last night and it made me think of you, do I wish it was you instead of her? No not really, I love you both miss you both. I still miss you though, still miss the twinkle in your eyes as you tease me, still me you laughing at me because I am sore. I miss you.

I feel now in the darkness that somehow I want to recede deep with in my soul and hide hide from the things that make me me. Swam today and remembered the addicting feeling it brings.I remembered the feeling of the water moving over my body and it was so awesome. As long as I relaxed I was ok. The hardest thing in life sometimes is loving the people that are closest to me. We sat in a church service today and I couldn't help but just ache, ache for the reminders of a living breathing church. the pastor spoke on the rise and fall of America, that we as a country are blessed TO BE a blessing. Instead I find my heart saddened to see that we are not being a blessing, but instead hoard out wealth. Oh to fufill that original Abrahamic call. I miss your knowledge of me. The depth of knowing my heart at its fullest. I miss that. In some ways I think I am not worthy to be known like that.I feel like I am the person who sticks out my hand and says come walk the hollow walls of brokenness, come see the disgust on the walls of my life and hey I'm only human. I am disgusted with myself often. I find that things I don't want to do I do, and the things I want to do I don't do. There is so much apart of me that says I am not worthy to be known, accepted and loved like you are with me. Because He first was that way with us.

The hardest things often are the things that are so simple, yet so potently remind me of you. Silly I know. Its been a fun weekend, back to work tommorow. Wish I had caught you tonight but it seems that like the wind I missed you. A near reality I gues but I wish it wasn't. Allright off to bed, Van wore me out. ENjoy this simple reflection, all that you see is a shadow of what is to come.
May you be found at His feet, in His love, and in His way. I miss you as I do everyday and I pray for you. Be blessed. Shalom Shalom.