Feather

I'm always taking pictures of feathers, wel tonight you get a taste of my horrible artist skills. I actually drew this one. My one piece of drawing artwork I can be proud of hahaha.

My last few days have been crazy, total lack of sleep. I wanted to recede deep inside myself and I found thats where I rested for a good majority of today. Needles to say I was poopy.

This particular song caught my attention..

"I can't be losing sleep over this, no, I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

'Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening"

I talked to Julia today and it was during that wonderful time of when I was poopy and I felt like this for the first time in a long time in my relationship with her and others I just wanted to push back and say no! you don't get to see me in this state. I found myself for the first time in a long time shoving back and saying my battle, my pain. Been awhile since I've hit that point. I think I am just tired..

"This is over my head
But underneath my feet
'Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

'Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real and just a dream?

What is real and just a dream?
What is real and just a dream?"

Lifehouse Somewhere in between.

I find myself seeking after the heart of God but running at the same time. Its the weirdest paradigm. It sounds like I ma contradicting myself, but sometimes I find that as much as I don't enjoy the dark fleshly sides of myself I do. I don't love it but sometimes i want to hide in it. To find that freedom. That crazy freedom where my eyes are wild, my feet are bare and pounding the Earth and I am running with wild horses. I know, a ridiculous idea.

"A burning desire to live and roam free, that shines in the dark and it grows within me. You're holding my hand but you don't understand...

So help us we're drowning... Why does it rain rain rain down on Utopia? Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are? Why does it rain, rain rain, down on Utopia?" - Within temptation Utopia