fall is for lovers

i have this fear that fall will pass me by. that i won't appreciate it enough. or experience it enough. or something. i get really stressed about it. every day i feel this absurd pressure to do something autumnal.

when really, i should just exist. that's enough.

but i want to go apple picking. and make apple pies. and drink apple cider. i want to sit by a fireplace. i want to go camping. i want to go on walks and feel the crisp air in my lungs. i want to wear hooded sweatshirts with light jackets.

i want to capture the beauty of fall. i want to...contain it. i can't. i shouldn't.

i just so desperately want to appreciate fall.

i should just relax. and sit with my window open drinking hot cider and read ts eliot, which i have to do for school. and then i should go on a walk around the reservoir and be thankful that i live a city with seasons.

my friend caitlin appeased me today. she took me to walden pond. which was a gift. i wanted to go last autumn but never made it out there. today it was beautiful.