Sssh! She's sleeping!!

My beautiful fairy like creature of a daughter has gone to Sydney for a few days for a business conference and masquerade ball. She was really looking foward to it and a few days away from here will do her the world of good. When someone is seriously ill your focus is totally on them and you tend to forget about the other people around you and them.

Alexandra has been my rock, her constant love and attention for her brother has been touching to say the least. She has always adored him. He's her big brother. As they are only 2 years apart and very alike in looks a lot of people used to think they were twins.

The strain of the last two years has been tremendous. She has borne the brunt on many occasions, of making the decision as to whether to call an ambulance or not and several times her decision has saved Christian's life.

Recently I looked at her face and realized the strain is taking it's toll on her too the dark circles under her eyes and the sadness within them are all too apparent.

She broke down in tears recently, and told me she was scared to be on her own.
It had never crossed my mind. I had never looked at it her from her point of view. If something happens to Christian, and then us and her aunt and uncle.
she will be on her own. There are other family members aound, mine all in the UK and my husband has family here and the UK. But for Alexandra they are not close, as she has rarely seen them. I know they would all rally around but it wouldn't be the same.

I feel so helpless for both my children.

I never knew being a mother would be so hard.