Ideal.

The ideals of things, the 'hows it supposed to be' is often I think what I have the hardest time letting go of. I find myself walking the sometimes lonely corridors of faith and trust and wrestling with myself. I find my heart saying, its not supposed to be like this God. What are you doing? Why have you forced me through the last year.

Oh wait, suffering is the tool you use to mold me. I am proud of the person I have become in the last year, but wow what a painful process.

In all honesty. Tonight I find that I am hurting because of the ideal in my head, the idea of how I envisioned it. I know it will be better in the end but I am wrestling, wrestling with the one who said let there be light and it was done. ( you know there is something in the bible about a guy who wrestled with God.. Maybe I should learn form him.) It is good t wrestle sometimes, it grows me builds me (my muscles included :P).

How do I let go of this ideal I hold?