Anonymous

Lefty and Geezer are returning from the cash and carry with a week's supply of business essentials

Geezer - Lefty? This might sound like a daft question but do all our places have to look like shitholes?

Lefty - You know Geezer, that's the first sensible question you've asked. Looking at it from a retail perspective, there's no doubt that the outward appearance of your typical leisure sauna and adult fun emporium is not all that attractive but to compare a place like this to a beauty salon or a hairdressers is, I'd venture to say, to substantially miss the point, mate.

Of course, we could tart it up. We could have big signs and bright lights, trying the Anne Summers route of saucy fun and High Street respectability. Of course, we could open establishments on shopping streets but costs aside, what you seem to be forgetting is that our punters want to go somewhere out of the way and quiet where there's little chance of being seen entering our premises. Anonymity, Geezer. Our shopfront, so to speak, keeps most folk away. They're reluctant to even look at the place for fear of seeming a little too interested. That, my son, buys our punters anonymity.

Take this place. Our main customers here are fine upstanding members of the legal profession. Manky though it may look, Dyers Close is a popular shortcut for people going to and from the courts. Nobody's going to think twice about a gentlemen entering the close from the Cowgate "on his way to court" and no one will think twice about seeing him leave the close at the top and continue on his way. Who's to know that it has taken him half an hour to make that two-minute trip?

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I'll bow to the greater knowledge of the commenters who feel an hour is too long to spend in an establishment of this type. Changed to half an hour. I wouldn't know.