Silence..

this was the view from my bedroom window of my house in NC. I'm still here for a couple more days, but the house just isn't home anymore. there are no children running through it, there is no laughter ringing through outside.. the play yard is still.. and i'm trying to not cry as i'm doing this write up.

there are many things that made this house our home, but what's really sad is it no longer feels like a home. it's just an *empty* shell now, full of weird energies. to the point where i just want to pack all up today after we pick up the truck, get a few hours of sleep, and hit the road today..but that's a lot of work, and we're expecting rain..so not the best of ideas.

so i sit here, trying to smile through the sadness that is beginning to overwhelm me of plans lost, the quiet house, that i'm trying to break the silence of by continually playing my internet radio, and no children in the background. Seeing the empty rooms we had made our own and personalized for the children as well.
it makes me not want to own a place again if this is how it ends.