Memories

I guess you really have to see this large.

I drove down to the beach to revisit some memories today.

For most of the last three months of my wife's life we lived in the house second from left in this picture. It was an intense but gentle and loving time. We used to lie in the bath and look out at the sea, or sit on the beach and just listen to the waves. We had lunch almost every day at one of the three restaurants on the beach here. I had lunch at the best on of them today.

I almost came down last night but I couldn't face the memories in the dark. Actually I wasn't sure that I could face them at all. But today I came down to face the and I'm glad that I did.

I sat at a table right at the water's edge and had swordfish (the same fish that Anette had for her last meal in Spain).

It was very peaceful to be there. I thought at first that I just felt sad, but then I discovered that it was much more than that. I felt very close to Anette. I felt very vulnerable, no layers hiding my emotions. A state of awareness. Quite alive really. Sad and happy. Full of love.

It felt like a few minutes but I was there for a couple of hours. I still have that feeling of love inside as I write this.

The view towards Gibraltar and the mountains in Africa was particularly clear. I remember that we both used to like the strange power which seems to come across the water.