the lights are

out.

For the first time in a while I am overwhelmed. And by something so simple. There is a litany of ideas and feelings causing havoc in my insides and my motor functions are limited to only a fraction of reactions. It's like thinking in fast forward and acting in frame by frame.

As I sit in front of my iMac and rest my fingers (the nails are recently painted a bold black) on the matching white keyboard, I feel this chaos pulse continuously. But like so many thoughts- the keys needed to be pressed gently down to compose a word, then a series of words- there are so many to choose from- so many I am missing. Like my black nails on a sea of letters waiting to be picked up, frame by frame, and formed into anything close to what is being translated over and over again in my guts in so many languages and so many varieties, they are but dots barely catching any of my options. Dots meant to convey or cover or absorb an ocean of surface-that surface being the chaos.

I am overwhelmed. The lights are there. But they are out.