Plain English?

There's a whole art and culture around newspaper billboard headlines. I remember our English teacher back in the 1970's entertaining us for an entire lesson having us try and decipher a few prize examples of the genre.

I wonder what those learning English as a second or a foreign language make of it all...

Of course there's a vested interest in making them intriguing and somewhat less than transparent in themselves - so that we actually spend our money and buy the paper to find out what has really happened in plain speech.

Does anyone out there have any idea what today's Evening Express is on about, by the way?