Detox

Won't you make my brown piss
Won't you make my brown piss
Won't you make my brown piss clear

For the 1st fortnight of the year it smelt like barbecue beef hula hoops.

Finally at the tail end of January the detox is starting to show signs of an improvement.




Burns night tonight and I'm off here for a compy supper. Looks the biz.

They say Burns was a funny guy and all that but, I think, very much of his time.

This is funnier:


I met a bloke with a didgeridoo, and he was playing Hard rock music on it.
I thought "That's Aboriginal"

A lorry full of terrapins crashed into a van full of tortoise.
It was a turtle disaster

I told Mrs PB I had a job at a bowling alley.
"Tenpin?" she asked
"No, permanent"

When I asked the pet shop owner if I could buy a goldfish from him, he asked "Do you need an aquarium"
"I couldn't give a feck about it's starsign" I replied

I asked for something 'herby' at the garden centre They gave me a VW with no driver

I asked the jeweller to see some watches he had "Analogue?"
"No just the watches, thanks"

In Comet I asked at the customer service desk "Can someone sell me a kettle please"
"Kenwood?"
"Well go get him then"

My mate has 2 schoolbags, he's bisatchel

I told the doctor I had a fear of lapels Apparently I have cholera

I read "The history of glue" recently. It was so good I couldn't put it down

I called the local ramblers asociation to ask about membership The bloke went on, and on, and on.....

I saw a monkey with a tin opener, and said ""You don't need a tin opener for bananas"
"This is for the custard", he monkey replied

In a job centre the woman asked me about voluntary work "I wouldn't do it if you paid me" I told her

I told my mum I opened a theatre
"You're having me on!" she said.
"Well I'll give you an audition, but I can't promise anything

I visited the local RSPCA office today.
It was tiny, you couldn't swing a cat in it

I asked the local gym if they could teach me to do the splits.
"How flexible are you? they asked
"Well I can manage along on most nights, but I work 9-5"