closure

I never put your toothbrush in the toilet. I swear, I didn't. I don't know why you wouldn't believe me then, or why you thought so in the first place, but I never did. I never took your chapstick, or your jeans, or any of the things you accused to which I haven't already confessed. You wouldn't believe me anyway, but I've gotta tell you, I'm telling the truth. It really was my tanktop. I know that you know it was my tanktop, because it wasn't yours, but I thought you might want to hear that from me anyway.

I'm sorry I let you win so many fights, but I know how much you liked it, and you were a better fighter than I am. I'm sorry I wouldn't play board games with you on the whim, but goddamnit, you never finished them. I was always left to clean them up myself when you left. I'm sorry I couldn't share a room with you. I'm sorry I called you all the bad things I did, vocal or not. Mostly not. I'm sorry I wouldn't go to church with you, mom, and Christina. I just couldn't. I'm sorry I wasn't so forthcoming on facebook and via text in the past few months. I'm sorry I didn't like your hand-me-downs as much as you would have liked. I should have just accepted them anyway. I'm sorry I hated you so much. I'm sorry that when I was five and you were nine, Dad asked me how to get us to stop fighting and I said, "Kick Jackie out of the family." I spose it's a good thing he didn't. I'm sorry I didn't humor you when I didn't find what you said funny. I wasn't just being bitchy, I just don't think you were as funny all the time as you did, and I'm sorry about that. I spose we're just different in that sense. I'm sorry I did some of your chores when you weren't home, because mom said you wouldn't have known how to do them when you got older, though I spose that doesn't matter anymore. I'm sorry I was so bad at walking in on your conversations. I never intended to intrude, and I honestly wasn't interested. I'm sorry I was so snippy and I started so many fights after we moved again. I'm sorry I corrected you so much. I'm sorry I didn't do what you told me to most of the time. I'm sorry I took everything you said so seriously, assuming you didn't mean them seriously--however true--and didn't think I'm a narcissistic psycho or that I should jump off a bridge. (or whatever you had said.) I'm sorry I hadn't accepted your apologies. I'm sorry I mumbled so much, because I know how much you hate it. I don't do that so much anymore. I'm sorry that I showed you up so much, but goddamnit again, you beat me worse. You always had to beat me at everything.

Thus here we are.

By the way, I meant to show you this. I never got around to it.