'Smurfs can walk and run, but often move by skipping on both feet ... what they cannot do is have a serious career in the live entertainment industry'... These are the words of wisdom that Papa Smurf once bestowed on our young touring smurf. Being a self-righteous, grumpy feck, our young f Read more...

'Smurfs can walk and run, but often move by skipping on both feet ... what they cannot do is have a serious career in the live entertainment industry'... These are the words of wisdom that Papa Smurf once bestowed on our young touring smurf. Being a self-righteous, grumpy feck, our young friend immediately embarked on a mission to prove 'old blue' wrong.

After failed efforts as a children's entertainer (it seemed smoking, drinking, biting and spitting limited repeat bookings), touring smurf found himself working the cruise ships. For a while things were going well; he focussed mainly on stage and production management, but as time passed Smurf became disillusioned, feeling that he wasn't taken seriously (with the majority of the cast and crew believing they had just overdone it on the absinthe when confronted by a 6 inch tall angry blue man).

As Smurf always says, 'I was gonna bloody leave them to it anyway. Ungrateful little shites ...' -- when a binge drinking session found him left ashore in Brighton. Lost, broke (he was never paid for his efforts aboard ship; cynics have suggested it was because no one had even noticed his presence, partly due to his race and stature) and a long way from home, he managed to scrape a living working in gay bars and vegan cafés, until he had a fateful chance encounter with a road manager/sound engineer:

Martin Stansbury was passing through Brighton on a UK tour when he discovered Smurf unconscious at the base of an engraving machine. It seems Smurf had passed out whilst trying to carve a return address into his chest. Martin took pity on the miserable blue sod and agreed to take him on the road and train him up. Lets see how the little fella does ....