The gym - it's grim

Gym sucks - right?

Well I ain't got much choice cos I cannae do this since I've had this (for 9 months now). Cannae play fitba either - it's grim. Been on the treadmill 3 months and the achilles, sitting above the cushioned tarining shoe, is improving on the soft surface without any incline.
However - just last week I'd left the grand opening of the new Leith Victoria Gym with a glowing "superb" to the chick behind reception on my way out. It really is an excellent set-up, rivalling any wanky David Lloyd joints. Word spreads though. Tonight was a nightmare - queues for the treadmills, the bikes and the big silly ski-Star Wars-At-At things. And how do the poor women cope in the same big room as the men? Tonight one of 'em smelled like a rotten onion bhaji and there was some serial-farter crop-dusting the room .... my money was on the pale ginger fella with 3-day shadow who was pissin' with sweat after a one minute trot.

Too may fellas taking themselves to seriously and there's always a few who like to look at you.....too often. I'm heid doon and outta there.

Anyway -

Gym sucks - right?

Here I am runnning, staring at a wall (the on-treadmill tv is goosed) and listening to the same shit on my shitty 512 mp3 cos I cannae be arsed changing the tunes on it.



Since I were a kid, gym sucked.....

At primary school:

Football - fuckin barry, let's 'ave it!

Rugby - tasty, let's get stuck in!

Hockey - yeeessss, c'mon!

Swimming - dive-bombing, gerrin! (In Dr. Bells you could even see the chicks gettin changed - bargain!)

Gym - fuck naw! - I mean, what good is sending us up some fuckin ladders? Or swinging about like a monkey trying to climb up a rope? (Is that where "learning the ropes" originated?) Or jumping about on a crash mat? Or running round the school hall? Playing tig? Climbing climbing frames and vaulting big wooden horses and all that? Rubbish!

So here I am, back in the gym, older, creakier and still not digging it.
Podiatrist this Friday, then one more visit to the physio and I'm playing football no matter what they tell me. They can take my kickboxing but they'll never take my.......FITBA!


To be fair the gym membership gets me in any cooncil gym-joint in town, Sam. I can go crown green bowling (thanks - but not yet) and get as much swimming with the wee fella as we like (normally Waterworld for the flumes or the warm "Common Wolf" (as he calls it)).

No joining fee in November when I joined (saving of £25). On January 1st it went from £40 a month (contract I'd just signed) to £41 (an extra £1 per month x 12 months = £12 - take from £25 saving = total saving for the year from joining for free in November ..... £13 not £25) .......cheeky!


I'm also considering getting the wee man into a gymnastics class now.

Sick bastard!