Fontanella Bass

Sorry to post yet another grainy iphone photo but this one represents the climax of what turned out to be a highly entertaining day at work.

This morning we had "place name-gate" when it transpired that one of the support assistants at school had taken it upon herself to do a seating plan for a retirement dinner we're all attending next week, and had also planned to leave a little "present" next to each place name at the tables - not a gift for the diners, but different quotes about retirement which she was apparently going to get us each to read out loud rather than having formal speeches. All done with the best of intentions I'm sure, but she didn't confer with anyone about it so when the rumours leaked out, all hell broke loose in the Support Department with some folks very unhappy at not being allowed to choose who they were going to sit next to, others perplexed because there definitely were going to be proper speeches so what on earth was the retirement quote business all about? Meanwhile, James and I were literally sitting in the middle of all this drama trying not to look at each other for fear of giggling at the whole scenario as questions from the prosecution on one side of the room flew over our heads only for answers to be flung back from the defence on the other side of the room. It was highly amusing to be a neutral party in all this, and the antics continued all morning, culminating in one woman flouncing out with the line "This is not a wedding we're going to you know" as her last word on the subject of place settings.

Today was also the annual lunch at the Pupil Support Service - always good to go to that because they do a fine buffet.

Then the day ended with this creature. I had been working with James in our classroom till about 3.15pm and when we went back through to our base, our attention was drawn to this squirrel, apparently stuck on the drainpipe outside our office - on the second floor up. One of the pupils had noticed it when he'd come in at 2.45pm, so goodness knows how long it had been here, but it hadn't moved an inch in all that time, was just sitting, paralysed. We have no idea how it got here - the drainpipe is made of smooth metal so surely it didn't climb all the way up that? And presumably it couldn't get down it ? Hence it sitting here unmoving for so long? I reckoned it had leapt onto the pipe here from the roof, but now couldn't get back because of the way the ledge above is constructed. It was difficult to think what we could do to help it - if we tapped on the glass, would it be startled and perhaps plummet? Nobody wanted to be responsible for a splatted squirrel. A suggestion was made that we open the window and let it leap into our base, then catch it and free it, but that came to nothing - for the same reason as above really plus in any case the window is positioned in such a way that it only opens so far because it actually hits the drainpipe. 3.30pm came and the school bell rang, and still the squirrel hadn't moved. One of our support assistants who was very concerned about the animal decided to name it. "Fontanella Bass" she announced. "Eh?" I said. "She sang Rescue Me". Ah...... now this situation was just getting sillier......

By 4pm I was the only one left in our base and still Fontanella hadn't budged. One of the English teachers came in: "I heard you've got a squirrel in here?" He decided that he was going to rescue it by opening the window. I shut the door to stop it making a belt for the corridor and he opened the window as far as he could, but it was nowhere near wide enough for Fontanella to get in through it. She didn't seem interested anyway, although she did raise her head a bit, so she was looking slightly more alert and awake. The English teacher climbed onto the window still and started to talk to her at which point she peed herself, urine falling down in long streams for a surprisingly long time. What a tale for him now to be able to tell: "I made a squirrel pee itself" - that's not something many people can say! After finishing her pee she seemed to get her act together for she turned and ran down the brick wall. We peered down as far as we could see and she had stopped a little further down, between wall and drainpipe, but at least she had shown us that she could indeed get herself down safely, so surely she would carry on at some point and get herself out of here.

Half an hour later I was leaving the building and decided to go outside and check that she had gone, only to find that she was now sitting on a bit of drainpipe at first floor level. Oh Fontanella - what will become of you?!

P.S. I promise that tomorrow's photo will be a proper one!