Chase This Light

Meet Chloe. She's my dog and she's wacky to say the least.

Today was...different...maybe even confusing. Kind of like choosing my Blip for the day. I knew which one I liked best when I took it and when I first saw it, and I liked the idea of it, but looking back once everything was done and seeing all the other options I had, it got difficult.

In life sometimes there are tough choices. And, not to sound like a little high schooler (because I'm not haha), I found one of those tough choices right in front of me. Granted it's not a huge life altering decision, but it could be.

My dilemma is over a boy well boys technically. But before I get too in detail about the circumstances, I should let all you eye-rollers out there that I take relationships very seriously. Or at least I'm starting to.

All my young life I have always thought, "why not?" which is a great way to live, I would know, but only to a certain point. When it comes to interfering with your own happiness, I've decided I'm not asking "why not" anymore but "why".

My past relationships have led me down the same path every time. And most times I admit, I'm the one who has complete disregard for the map held in front of my face. When it comes to this road, I'm worse than a man when he's lost in a desert. My friends will all tell you the same thing, too. But they just grit their teeth and bare it as they watch me go down this path full of bear traps. I always get hurt. But you know what? Someone told me recently that I matter, that I am a great person and that I bring light to people. And I do.

I'm one of those people that constantly thinks of themselves last. I always say that I'm going to change, but I never do. You know why? Because no matter how many times I tell myself I matter, I will always care about others more. But if I am ultimately going to hurt not only myself, but others while I'm going down this road with them, then "why?" Is it worth it to make the turn?

When I was playing tennis horridly with my brother the other day, he told me, "Ali, don't try to change everything all at once. Just change one thing at a time. Muscle memory." He's right. If I take this little step and choose for me and no one else, then maybe I can find something that I will look back on and smile about, not cry over.

So here's the tough part. These two new guys at my work both like me. A few of my friends at work are trying to set me up with one, not the other. Originally I liked one of them more, but now I'm so infatuated with them both that I don't think I could choose. Worst part: they are best friends. Is it worth it? I mean I've worked it out in my head a million times. The guy I would normally go for is the guy that they aren't trying to hook me up with. He's a wild boy, a bad boy. But he also seems like a sweet guy once you give him a chance but that's what I say for every bad guy. But then this other guy is a sweetheart (I've seen it) and I think we would get along great. Plus, he thinks I'm cute!

So which do I choose?

Quote:
"Confetti rainfall, in the quiet street. The beauty is in what you make it, so get up on your feet. Because tonight, the world turns with me. Because right now, I don't dare to breathe."