Provocation

makes me angry, because I bite. Then I feel bad that I have bitten. Then I feel angry that someone else's actions made me behave in a way that I don't like and that makes me feel bad.

I just thought I would sum it up in Spanish, to keep in the theme of our week at school.
I think it translates as "I will bite if provoked. That's life" It probably doesn't.
Inspired by the project by Gillian Wearing called "Signs that say what you want them to say and not what someone else wants you to say". We saw 3 of them at the Tate on Saturday.

I am desperately trying to brush up my spanish. I don't really need it when I go to Mum's but I love the language and I want to try, so I am. I've been listening to music in spanish, reading my spanish book in the bath, listening to language on my iPod in the car. My problem is, I am typical of many of our female students - who excel at reading and writing, but are less competent and confident with the spoken and listening elements. Pah. I will probably be OK by the time I am 50!

This week has been a bit of a rollercoaster. Work has been tough, exhausting, but really rewarding too. To watch students trying things they would never normally do - the Tango for example, trying food that they would never get the chance to try and more importantly, liking it and saying so and to feel the buzz of something different going on in school - it's been so good and it is what education should be about.

However, I am all over the place. I am utterly drained and so tired, yet I can't sleep properly. One minute I am giddy and happy, the next I am flat and on the point of tears or rage. My heart races, the room spins. I know that it is very hard to bear for the people who care about me most.

Little insensitivities from others are driving me to the edge of a precipice that I do not want to look towards.

To top it all off lorry drivers are trying to kill me. Today it was a Sainsbury's wagon - I have his registration. I am contemplating complaining.

I am not perfect, I know this. But sometimes, a little understanding of a picture that's bigger than just me or someone else, would be fantastic and would result in me not coming home with my eyes stinging with tears of frustration and anger, both at others and at myself because I allow myself to be drawn in and to react.

So for my reactions, I apologise. Beyond that, we'll see.