The real heart of the matter

1. Yuck and Gadz. A great, big long yuck and gadz day. I'm going to struggle to rustle up one thing, never mind bloody five. Whose stupid idea was this? You'd think I'd be used to break ups - you could say I'm quite good at them, I've certainly had plenty of practise. But no, I'm right in the thick of it. After the righteous swagger, sentimental introspection at the start of the week, I've had the false optimism stage (getting a job in California is the plan), the chick flick and junk food stage (see yesterday) and today I am in the 'just sleep, when you wake up it will all be better' stage. This stage doesn't make for good blippin and this picture is a grossly false representation of chipperness.

2. I am so miserable that I'm glad the sunshine has gone. There, I said it. Sometimes I am glad it's raining. That way I can't feel bad about sitting here moping, watching A Place in the Sun. Perhaps the very definition of irony.

3. She's not daft my mum. She's got herself a flat half way between a very nice pub and the beach. Between here and the beach is a very cool local shop and I made it along there today like a shuffling, second rate Bridget Jones. It's a farm shop packed full of freshly dug stuff just hoiked out the ground minutes before. It's all dead cheap, organic, has minimal packaging and is exactly what I need. I walk swiftly past it for crisps and their homemade macaroni cheese (I don't know who I am trying to kid - I always have at least a toe in the junk food stage).

4. She also has a window seat. In fact it was my first ever blip. I don't know what I would do without this window seat right now. It's keeping me right somehow and makes the fact that I am here on my own a bit more comfortable.

5. And that's it. Four things and even then you have to dig pretty deep to find the positivity, although I should add that it was great macaroni cheese.