Barley or something

(Okay so I'm told it's grass. I know not knowing that kinda makes me a muppet, but I don't have a degree in botanical studies. I thought grass was green and anywhere from quarter of an inch to five inches in length. I didn't realise it occasionally masqueraded as a harvestable crop did I? No. For any sniggering at my idiocy I'd like to ask you this: do you know the captial of Estonia? Albania? Burkina Faso? No? Then f*ck off and stop laughing at me. Thanks.)

(Don't f*ck off really. I'm sorry)

I don't know what it is. Weeds maybe? Whatever it is it grows in a field close to my residence and made a decent picture first thing. I'm straight out the camera again today - becoming a bit of a theme. There is no connection between this picture and my scintillating written words today.

My weekend consisted mainly of beating Kirky on FIFA and eating badly. Seriously if you think there was much more to it there wasn't. I've been trying to get CS5 on my new laptop without success, and I watched the Apprentice final. I didn't even shave.

Regarding the Apprentice, here is some breaking news: tomorrow I have an audition to go on next years show. I have to go to Birmingham in a suit and mouth off about myself for ten minutes. I'm not that great at bigging myself up - I have a horrible feeling that self depricating humour isn't exactly what they are looking for.

Hi I'm Gary - on my first day of work I crashed the works van. Twice. In different locations. Then I lied about the circumstances. Twice. My employers found out. Easily.

This shows I'm keen to ensure I'm available to serve the company despite set backs, and that I can be creative and use initiative.

Lord Sugar should go into business with me because I'm ideally suited to the role of frittering away £250,000 on far fetched plans before quitting my role as his business partner and forever living off the glory of winning the Apprentice. Plus lets face it, you'd rather work with me than that arrogant wanker Jim wouldn't you? Plus back in the day I would definitely have tapped Karren Brady. Not now though, powerful women scare me.

I see you've noticed the final warning I got for using Facebook at work.... A misunderstanding. The second and third warnings for the same thing? Over keen bosses thinking a couple of hundred of status updates constitutes wasting company time. No vision these people. No vision.

Gary..... you're fired.