Walking Away

I had a very cute blip ready for today, but, I somehow managed to delete the image... None of the other photos I took today seemed to relate to anything in any way. And they weren't all that fantastic.

I went out for a cigarette, camera in hand, swearing at myself for deleting a lovely photo, but it wasn't ruining the mood I was in following yesterday's tattoo session, and actually getting some good sleep last night. I didn't think anything could ruin that mood.

That was until I got a text message from my 'best' friend. I talked about him a little while back, turning his back on me because his girlfriend disliked me, and kept giving him the "it's her, or me" ultimatum. He chose her in the end. Though, after a few weeks, he came crawling back to me, having realised that my constant friendship over the years was worth more than a tumultuous (at best) relationship with someone he'd only known a little over 18 months. I made it clear that if he pulled a stunt like that again (it wasn't the first time he'd done it while dating her), I wouldn't take him back... Again. Well, guess what... He's done it... Again. Took two weeks without sex for him to decide she's the better option.

You know what? I'm done with it. Yes, I'm a little sad. We've been through a lot. But more than anything, I'm pissed off angry. He knows how incredibly difficult the last three weeks have been, so he pulls this now? NOW?! REALLY?!? Enough is enough.

Next time he comes to his senses and comes crawling back, I'm not going to take him back. I'm not a toy that can be played with for a while, then cast aside when a better one comes along. It will hurt telling him I don't want him in my life, because I adore him so much. But it will hurt less than this happening AGAIN down the track. I can't deal with losing him over and over and over.

I finished my cigarette, and on my way back inside, stepped in a puddle. Given that the 'best' friend decided to take the footprints he'd left on my heart over the years and make them lead away from me, I thought it would be fitting to get a photo of my wet footprint.

"He left with no time to regret.
Kept his d*ck wet
With his same old safe bet.
Me and my head high,
And my tears dry,
Get on without my guy.
You went back to what you knew,
So far removed from all that we went through.
I tread a troubled track. My odds are stacked.
I'll go back to black.
We only said goodbye with words.
I died a hundred times.
You go back to her. And I go back to... I go back to us.
I love you so much. It's not enough."
~ Back To Black - Amy Winehouse